This is a different approach from my other stories; in this approach I combine two stories from two different cultures! Uh oh, that's right, combine. The stories are much longer so showing them in this post would make the whole thing look suuper long and scary and we don't want that so I will start by summarizing them: I used the Egyptian mythological story of the King of the Dead and the Persian tale of Muhammad Tirandaz the Archer to create my very own story with elements from both. Here are very very short summaries about each story that let you know all you need to know relating to my new story.
King of the Dead - Many Egyptian Gods hang in the balance as Horus fights Set in a series of battles and war and eventually defeats him and ends his tyranny over earth. Horus then brings Osiris, his father who fell to the hands of Set, back as a mummy with the help of Ra in the heavens, and Anubis the black hound God. Osiris becomes king of the dead.
Muhammad Tirandaz the Archer - Muhammad is a foolish young boy who accidentally kills two mice playing with one another when something slips from his hand. His fellow apprentices see this and praise him by saying telling him his name should be "Muhammad Tirandaz, Muhammad of the Bow,Slaying with my arrow two lions at one blow." The naive little boy swells with confidence, leaves home, buys a bow and arrows. He is eventually found by the king, wins a war by being whipped around by a horse while charging at the king's enemies and making them magically retreat - winning the war. He is then made Commander and Chief of the army and lives happily ever after I'm sure, unless another war were to happen 'cause he actually can't shoot, ride, or kill at all. He's just lucky.
After reading King of the Dead I was pumped. After reading Muhammad Tirandaz the Archer I was struck stupid and laughed at how I thought he was going to be an epic bad ass, Legolas from the Lord of the Rings, Persian Robin Hood, gangster with a bow and arrow. Now read my new version.
Rha the Destroyer
With an eagle's eye he sees all of his enemies. His prey.
He stand around 6 foot tall. 200 pounds of carved up warrior.
He is not exactly man. He is not exactly god. A blurry in-between.
Fast. Agile more than any. Quiet in step like a black panther in the shadow.
His eyes as black as the night sky with pupils as stars.
Look into his eyes and a piece of your soul leaves with him.
Regardless, your life will.
He was Persian born. Captive in the Egypt-Persia Wars.
In his forced conversion to Egyptian belief he gained favor from the god Ra.
A God with a great falcon head. Ra.
And now he would make the Persian the same.
Ra infected him with his spirit. Engulfing his mind in chaos and torment.
His endurance would favor him some of the God Ra's ability.
Into his heart was burned Ra's might, and his soul forever Ra's.
To insure his faith, the all-seeing Egyptian eye tattooed on his right shoulder.
Ra would unleash his new favorite soul - Rha the Destroyer.
Rha peered over a flat battle field covered in waist-high wheat.
Sword clashing. Shields bashing.
Egyptians killing Persians. Persians killing Egyptians.
Rha charged. Swift. Upright. Lifeless in the eyes.
A black spear in his hand. A bow on his back.
Arrows of sharpened Nile crocodile scales.
Falcon feathers at the ends, but not of his own.
A killing was amiss. Rha's veins swelled with the poison.
The poison of Egypt's finest snake, the mamba.
The black venom show through his dark skin.
A rush to his body and a blackout to his mind.
Rha was now at the battle's edge.
He drew an arrow. Pulled back on the string of his bow. And let it fly.
The arrow whizzed through the air with a sharp acute zip of a noise.
It pierced the heart of an enemy. Went through the back of an Egyptian ally's helmet.
And ended firmly in the head of another enemy, poking out the back, an eye on the very tip of the sharp arrow head.
An all seeing eye, of the gore of violence and war.
3 kills. Killing spree. Rha did not care who. But just that blood was spilt.
He charge through the battlefield. Zooming on his fleet feet.
Taking a solitary arrow out. And slashing the throats of his enemies.
An assassin in a war. Godly agile.
Hardly seen by the naked human eye. Just blurs of feather.
Rha took out his savage wrath on the Persian Empire for what seemed like hours upon hours.
After hundreds of bodies lay bloody on the field.
And a third of the enemy depleted. They began to retreat.
Spoils to Egypt. Victory to Rha. Hail to Ra.
Hail to Rha, the Destroyer.
Author's Notes
This is the bad ass Muhammad the Archer I thought I would be reading. But it's ok, I'll make him. I know I have a violent imagination, but I don't like to shy away from what real war is probably like. Chaotic. I was a warrior in a past life haha. As you can see I took Ra from the Egyptian culture and made him spawn a better Muhammad the Archer as Rha the Destroyer. There is now a war between the two cultures. And 'Muhammad' (Rha) is turned into a previously Persian to Egyptian convert. I combined the stories on a couple dynamic levels I feel. I also drew descriptive inspiration from the picture I selected, really helping to tie a visual to my new character. Hail Rha, the Destroyer.
Hi Michael. I like how you conjoined two stories into one by blending the character's one one story to the settings of another. I like how you used a lot of detail in the story. It made me feel as if I were watching a movie and could picture the scene with the details you gave.
ReplyDeleteHey Michael,
ReplyDeleteWow you are a really good writer! I love the way you set up the story and the visual language that you used really helped aid to the overall feeling of the story. Good Job!
Wow Michael! You are a great writer! I come back to your posts repeatedly, and every single time I am so impressed! Your creativity and strength in your writing is absolutely mind blowing! I feel like it was kind of a risk to combine the stories, but you pulled it off really well. I really like the style of writing you use. It almost seems very proper to me. I appreciate that you gave an author’s note at the beginning and end. It made more sense when reading your story. It was very helpful to have a summary of each of the different stories as well. It seems that with your writings, you look to help the readers. I truly appreciate that aspect of your writings. I also like that you do not hold back in your writing. You tell it like it is, and are bold with your statements. I did not see any major grammar issues or anything of the sort. It seems to me you take a lot of effort into paying attention to the details. Good job, Michael!
ReplyDeleteHey, Michael,
ReplyDeleteI love excited you about this piece in your author's note! The set up was very well done and overall it was a great read! The short sentences in the first stanza are great because they set the tone and a staccato, almost unhurried tone to the story.
Just one note: 1) Instead of "The 2nd Egypt-Persia wars" - I would spell out "second," the "2" kinda takes the reader out of the story. The reader's mindset in is this ancient time period and seeing the "2nd" is something that's modern, so it offsets the tone.
Again, I really enjoyed the flow of this. It was really well done!
Michael, what an interesting idea to combine two different culture stories. How creative. I really like the way your story is written in short little sentences. It flows really well and adds an interesting tone to the story. I think your approach was really creative and help the story to follow along well. How did you come up with the idea to combine two? I think that is so cool. I need to start thinking more outside the box like that. The detail in your story really makes it interesting and the way you write really helps make it interesting too. I think you did a really great job with this story. I would like to read the originals to see what they are like too. I really enjoyed really your story. I think the detail was great and all the imagery you used made it a very great story to read.
ReplyDeleteHi Michael,
ReplyDeleteI am really impressed with your idea to combine two stories from two cultures. Having your author's note at the beginning of the story really helped me understand what was going on. You did a good job explaining the original stories before starting your own. The simple sentences made the story easy to understand and not overwhelming at all.
My only suggestion is spelling out 2nd. I got kind of caught up on that, but otherwise you did a fantastic job. I like where your portfolio is going and I look forward to reading many of your stories over the next few weeks.
Hi Michael! First of all, bravo on the author's note! You summarized the two stories really well and told us what you were going to do really nicely. I agree with Christina because putting the author's note in the beginning helped me also. So nice job on that.
ReplyDeleteNow to the actual story. Great attention to details! The details about Rha along with the image really set up what/how he is beautifully. I really like the graphic details also (the eye at the tip of the arrow :) very well done!! Also, I think you did a great job on combining the two stories. After reading the summary of Muhammad the Archer, I agree it sounds like a letdown, but you really did make a bad ass version of it!! I didn't find any mistakes except on the image caption, I think you meant Rha instead of "Ra". No other error, so great job on that.
I really liked your version of the story. Again, great job!
Hey Michael whats up dude.
ReplyDeleteI picked you for my extra credit more project feed back. I picked you because your stories in the past have been so good and let me tell you, you did not disappoint with this one. man this story is brutal. you place every detail with such care i can really see the carnage on the battle field. I think it is really cool that you are able to write like this it is hard for most people to write a violent story because they dont want to seam like a savage but your writing is so smooth that i felt like i was reading poetry. everything just flowed so well that i did not even mind the violence. i also really like the picture that you picked and that you included it in your story. very good job and i cant wait to read more of your work!