an Aesop fable
A Lion had been watching three Bullocks feeding in an open field. He had tried to attack them several times, but they had kept together, and helped each other to drive him off. The Lion had little hope of eating them, for he was no match for three strong Bullocks with their sharp horns and hoofs. But he could not keep away from that field, for it is hard to resist watching a good meal, even when there is little chance of getting it.
Then one day the Bullocks had a quarrel, and when the hungry Lion came to look at them and lick his chops as he was accustomed to do, he found them in separate corners of the field, as far away from one another as they could get.
It was now an easy matter for the Lion to attack them one at a time, and this he proceeded to do with the greatest satisfaction and relish.
In unity is strength.
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A Lion Amongst Bulls
A rendition of the Three Bullocks & A Lion:
The king of beast lay flat on a grassland, stalking a group of three male bulls. This stalking beast was a golden big cat, and the most ferocious of animals, none other than the majestic lion. The bulls were just as majestic but did not have the kill-or-be-killed, take everything, leave nothing mentality the lion had earned throughout the test of survival that is life - though burly with chiseled thigh muscles, hulkish traps, and equipped with three to four foot long horns on either side of their heads. The bulls were powerful, but they weren't as hungry as the lion as all they had to do to survive was graze on a gold pasture. This burned laziness, and a docile mentality into their hearts and minds as they were not prepared for what they were about to face in the great lion who was just as chiseled, just as burly, but with a desire to conquer and eat to survive, and survive to win the game of life for as long as he could. He was no docile creature, he was a beast of speed, power, intensity, and intelligence, well-rounded, covering all areas of a creature deserving to win life.
The lion rushed the three bulls.. The youngest split from the other two in a hectic dash, showing his immaturity and stupidity. The lion picked him off as easily as a domestic cat does a mouse. One down. The second bull bum rushed the lion with what he thought was sheer power and rage, and just as quickly the lion side stepped that bull showing his grace and agility, all while maneuvering his deathly blow to that bull. Two down. The third bull, and the worthiest of the three starred into the lions eyes. This was a true showdown. A clash of beast. The lion shrunk his shoulders engaging in an offensive stance, ready to charge or pounce. The bull motioned its classic hoof through dirt gesture. They both shot out of stance ready to lay waste to what they held on to dearest..
Be the most bad ass.
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Author's Notes
My story is based off of an Aesop fable named Three Bullocks & A Lion found in Aesop for Children, by (anonymous), illustrated by Milo Winter (1919). I used the same characters as the original story but added much greater detail. What drew me to this story was that lions are by far my favorite creature. The simple moral and style of the original fable was strength in unity, while the moral in mine is of more colorful description, aggressive in nature and one of survival and relentless mentality. The strong survive. I swear I am a lion reincarnate haha.
Hey Michael,
ReplyDeleteI really like what you have done with this little story. the detail that you added really bring these creatures to life. ( i dont think i would want to meet that lion) i also like they way that you included the hunger of the loin vs the complacency of the bulls. some times in life even though we are big and strong like the bulls we become complacent and that is when the lion will come and get us. so i guess we have to ask our self what one are we?
The detail in your version of the story is great. The details that you provide really help bring the story to life for the reader. The line “though burly with chiseled thigh muscles, hulkish traps, and equipped with three to four foot long horns on either side of their heads” stuck out as the most vivid line of the story for me. The way you broke down each of the lion’s individual attacks was done really well also. It kept the reader engaged and pulled the story along in an interesting way. The end also did a good job of keeping the reader engaged. You did a great job of pacing the story. There were a couple of sentences that lost me for a second or two. The sentence “The bulls were just as majestic but did not have the kill or be killed, take everything, leave nothing mentality the lion had earned throughout the test of survival that is life,” is a good example. I really appreciated the details in it, but the structure of the sentence made it a little confusing the first time I read it over. I think tweaking the sentence structure would help clarify things a bit without losing some of the awesome details you give throughout the story.
ReplyDeleteThanks Nicole! Yea I'm good at the creative and so so at the grammar, but I also think thats kinda my style as well haha but good critique.
DeleteMichael,
ReplyDeleteI, 100%, agree with Nick and Nicole. The detail you added in your rendition of the story is great. It really gives the story that extra kick. I'm, personally, a fan of a story with a lot of good detail and I think you achieved that! It automatically pulled me in and made me want to read more. Overall, it was a cool and interesting read! I also enjoyed the ending with the showdown between the lion and third bull. Nice touch!
Christine
Wow. What an amazing story! As I’m sure you know, the detail of your story was amazing. It really pulls the reader through the story. I think that it is so amazing that you can create such a detailed and intricate story from such little material. I definitely can’t do the same!
ReplyDeleteI do have to agree with Nicole. Some of the details are almost overblown, if that makes sense. I think it would help for you to break up your sentences some. They aren’t quite run-ons, but I did get a little lost in them.
I do not think that it is entirely the grammar that is your problem. I think you just got a little carried away with trying to fit so many details into one sentence. I do the same thing some times. It’s usually because you understand what it is supposed to say, so it sounds great to you. It just doesn’t come across the same way for the readers!
Overall, it’s a great story. I loved the moral that you put at the end by the way. Definitely an awesome way to end the story.
Hi Michael!!
ReplyDeleteI really like that you put the original story before your version. That really helps the reader clearly interpret the spin or twist you chose to tell your story. First off, I have to say kudos to humanizing the characters in your story without using any dialogue. That isn’t the easiest thing to do but your diction and descriptions really helped the reader relate and understand the lion and three bulls.
The only thing I would maybe do next time is try and break down your paragraphs into shorter and easier to read paragraphs. Your entire short story only has two, so just try and to have more spacing and it will be much more enticing to a reader.
Also, I really liked that you ended your story with an animal showdown. This give your version a more uplifting ending that even if the last bull loses at least he went out with a fight instead of being eaten unsuspectingly. But very nice story, I really enjoyed it.