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Makoma. Agile. Fast. Quick. The embodiment of fast. Speed kills. Nike would endorse this warrior on that alone. But speed actually killed with this one, not just a competitive slogan. Lightning trapped in his calves, falcon wings on his feet like Hermes, metaphorically speaking of course. This man was pace and quickness of the elite human. Zoom.
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Makoma. Agile. Fast. Quick. The embodiment of fast. Speed kills. Nike would endorse this warrior on that alone. But speed actually killed with this one, not just a competitive slogan. Lightning trapped in his calves, falcon wings on his feet like Hermes, metaphorically speaking of course. This man was pace and quickness of the elite human. Zoom.
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Notches, more of slits produced by traditional methods of scarification, covered the entirety of his left arm, collar bone, and some of his shoulder blade. Probably around 5000 or so, a tic for every soul he has conquered, every man he has defeated, every viktory he has taken.
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His eyes pitch black. Like staring into an abyss of nothing. An infinity of blackness. Dark. No pupils. Just glistening blackness.
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His right arm covered from the wrist to the bicep like a basketball sleeve, but of dried, naturally reinforced king cobra skin, now a highlighter, Nike Sparq neon in tone. Its brightness would reflect, and blur any glance of his quick hands and feet for his enemy in combat, as he had the skin on his right wrist and both ankles to mid calves. The texture of the snake skin even more present in its hardened state but now vibrant and protective, like Kevlar.
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His ambidextrous capabilities make 'em deadly from both sides, and an Assassin's Creed-like blade sheathed under his right wrist, only a handful of high-tech weaponry he possessed for as the most part he used natural tools of destruction. The blade shoot from his wrist when triggered so by a flick of it, a 11inch steel blade be the effect, sharper than volcanic rock. The technology like Cyborg of DC Comics Titans, but black and neon fluorescent highlight. This weapon was one of his favorite. Great for close range. His quick hands and the light blade made his thrusts silently lethal, and his stabs powerful. As Ali could jab he could slash. Light on his feat. The floating butterfly. A striking cobra. Multiple stabs to the side of the neck, ribs, and thighs in a blink of an eye. Death in an instant, quicker than instant rice. Slow mo cams have a hard time capturing him, Makoma too nice.
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Black neon tipped, explosive tipped skinny spears were on his back at all times. The technology of the engineered death poles were so advanced that these spears were heavy duty metal, but still so light and slender of sticks that he could have 10 easily on his back in a bundle ready to be rocketed from Makoma's cannon of an arm, like Michael Vick throwing touchdown bullets, or the great Achilles hurling spears through the battle of Troy. However, Makoma's be faster and quicker than both. Like previously stated, speed kills.
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He wore a snapback, flat bill hat into battle. He wore a snapback everywhere. Snap-backs and tattoos were a motto he relished. Style was important just as much as deadly accuracy or viktory. His hat was black with a neon logo that said "uh oh!?" in a scripty font. He switched that one out with his "dope" one of the same style. Just depended on how he felt at the time. He firmly believed in look good, feel good, kill good. Another important motto he lived by. Speaking of, he even had a part in the left side of his dead with a 5 o'clock shadow of a beard. All warriors look good too right? Past his pitch black eyes, over his mouth was a half mask that wrapped from under his nose below. This was one of the last pieces of tech he utilized. It was mechanical looking, like a Bane from the Dark Knight Rises but with more depth and parts and all black. All black with the exception of two neon circles evenly spaced around the middle of where his lips would be, about a dime in size. These were his cobra torches. His dragon breath. His spitters. They propelled acidic venom at a high pressure. Venom that would erode material and skin in minutes. Needless to say, if caught in the eyes instant blindness. This weaponry paid homage to traditional African warfare, as some tribes carried small vials of venom on the battlefield and put it in their mouth to spit in opponent's eyes from close range, rendering the enemy blind, in pain, stinging, and fucked. Makoma's mask was that x10.
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Makoma Neon. Enough said.
His ambidextrous capabilities make 'em deadly from both sides, and an Assassin's Creed-like blade sheathed under his right wrist, only a handful of high-tech weaponry he possessed for as the most part he used natural tools of destruction. The blade shoot from his wrist when triggered so by a flick of it, a 11inch steel blade be the effect, sharper than volcanic rock. The technology like Cyborg of DC Comics Titans, but black and neon fluorescent highlight. This weapon was one of his favorite. Great for close range. His quick hands and the light blade made his thrusts silently lethal, and his stabs powerful. As Ali could jab he could slash. Light on his feat. The floating butterfly. A striking cobra. Multiple stabs to the side of the neck, ribs, and thighs in a blink of an eye. Death in an instant, quicker than instant rice. Slow mo cams have a hard time capturing him, Makoma too nice.
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Black neon tipped, explosive tipped skinny spears were on his back at all times. The technology of the engineered death poles were so advanced that these spears were heavy duty metal, but still so light and slender of sticks that he could have 10 easily on his back in a bundle ready to be rocketed from Makoma's cannon of an arm, like Michael Vick throwing touchdown bullets, or the great Achilles hurling spears through the battle of Troy. However, Makoma's be faster and quicker than both. Like previously stated, speed kills.
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He wore a snapback, flat bill hat into battle. He wore a snapback everywhere. Snap-backs and tattoos were a motto he relished. Style was important just as much as deadly accuracy or viktory. His hat was black with a neon logo that said "uh oh!?" in a scripty font. He switched that one out with his "dope" one of the same style. Just depended on how he felt at the time. He firmly believed in look good, feel good, kill good. Another important motto he lived by. Speaking of, he even had a part in the left side of his dead with a 5 o'clock shadow of a beard. All warriors look good too right? Past his pitch black eyes, over his mouth was a half mask that wrapped from under his nose below. This was one of the last pieces of tech he utilized. It was mechanical looking, like a Bane from the Dark Knight Rises but with more depth and parts and all black. All black with the exception of two neon circles evenly spaced around the middle of where his lips would be, about a dime in size. These were his cobra torches. His dragon breath. His spitters. They propelled acidic venom at a high pressure. Venom that would erode material and skin in minutes. Needless to say, if caught in the eyes instant blindness. This weaponry paid homage to traditional African warfare, as some tribes carried small vials of venom on the battlefield and put it in their mouth to spit in opponent's eyes from close range, rendering the enemy blind, in pain, stinging, and fucked. Makoma's mask was that x10.
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Makoma Neon. Enough said.
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Author's Notes
Author's Notes
Inspired by the African legends of Makoma, athleticism, Shaka Zulu, speed, nature, new wave culture, slang, and myself. The first exposure I had ever got to an African type warrior was through a show called Deadliest warriors, in which it would do a scientific/poetic analysis of historical warriors paired together in statistically-driven, live action battles to the death. It was great historical entertainment, and pure gold for a boy like me. One episode featured Shaka Zulu, a legendary African war lord of the Zulu tribe. This whole show and specifically how they informed me of Shaka, inspired this story. That and the likes of Nike and their dope athletic design, along with many other sources. But I just became fond of Shaka and his speed and ruthlessness, and I noticed how there weren't many black heroes or warriors to be inspired by through history, mostly because we are not taught much about them in history and the educational system and also because most of the time these types of figures are seen of more in a negative light, being America and Europe take most of the heroism. It's a flawed system and way of thinking we have all been brought up by. Native Americans have the same struggle. For example, Black Panther is the only prevalent super hero in the comic world. But anyway, I wanted to add another warrior to the list. After reading the legends of Makoma I was primely inspired. He is the equivalent of the African Hercules. He fought and defeated many behemoths and even absorbed their powers. He eventually fought a giant mountain sprit and ascended into the sky as a legend (read more here in one of my previous studies/summaries of the legends of Makoma). Makoma and Shaka were just plain dope to me, Shaka the Achilles of Africa, and Makoma the Hercules of Africa. This goes to all the little brown boys who never grew up with a famous brown super hero warrior.
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Sources/Inspiration for a Makoma Metaphor/Style Guide.
Just an overall vibe and feel.
MJTrends: Snakeskin Fabric: Black // Oregon Ducks Rose Bowl Uniforms / Nike Pro Combat / The Superslice // SPARQ Drills submited images. // Evolution of Nike college football uniforms - Land-Grant Holy Land // Black Oregon Ducks Helmet | Helmets | Pinterest // The Need for Speed with Big Data - Businessweek // XLin Architectural and Experimental Photography // Sketchbook Part 2 // MAA EUROPEAN SPEAR // Muscle Man At Rest by Val Black Russian Tourchin // Omer Fast: 5000 Feet is the Best | Exhibitions | Rose Art Museum ... // National Geographic' Celebrates 125 Years Of Photography | Public ... // The World's most recently posted photos of nightscape - Flickr ... // Bat Tumbler Related Keywords & Suggestions - Bat Tumbler Long Tail ... // o-BLACK-SKINHEAD-570.jpg?4
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Sources/Inspiration for a Makoma Metaphor/Style Guide.
Just an overall vibe and feel.
MJTrends: Snakeskin Fabric: Black // Oregon Ducks Rose Bowl Uniforms / Nike Pro Combat / The Superslice // SPARQ Drills submited images. // Evolution of Nike college football uniforms - Land-Grant Holy Land // Black Oregon Ducks Helmet | Helmets | Pinterest // The Need for Speed with Big Data - Businessweek // XLin Architectural and Experimental Photography // Sketchbook Part 2 // MAA EUROPEAN SPEAR // Muscle Man At Rest by Val Black Russian Tourchin // Omer Fast: 5000 Feet is the Best | Exhibitions | Rose Art Museum ... // National Geographic' Celebrates 125 Years Of Photography | Public ... // The World's most recently posted photos of nightscape - Flickr ... // Bat Tumbler Related Keywords & Suggestions - Bat Tumbler Long Tail ... // o-BLACK-SKINHEAD-570.jpg?4
I really liked your use of adjectives. I was surprised to see how many you could fit in each sentence. It gave me a huge visual for each part of your story and made me want to read more. Oh my goodness, when you talk about acidic venom it especially freaks me out. Keep up the extremely good detailed storytelling!
ReplyDeleteHey Michael.
ReplyDeleteWow wow wow just wow. ok so im pretty sure i have read most of your stuff. you are such a creative writer. I wish i could just see all the ideas you have in your head because i know you have to have more good ones in there. the way you describe things is just out of this world. you dont just use adjectives but they way that you cross reference things really ties everything together. i dont have one thing to say though... if you wanted him to throw well you should have picked tom Brady :D haha sorry thats just the pats fan in me coming out. but really though i like how you are able to take things from all different cultures and blend them all in to one super killing machine. you should like design charters for video games of something. ill stop by again later to see what warrior you have come up with keep up the good work
This retelling was really, really interesting! It had almost a poetic flow that was unlike any of the other stories I have read so far, and your use of literary devices like onomatopoeia also added to that poetic sound. I can definitely see your own personal flair throughout the entirety of the story. Although I am not sure everyone would get your pop culture references (like the assassins creed blade—I have no idea what that looks like), I really enjoyed some of them! I think the Bane one was probably my favorite.
ReplyDeleteI am hesitant to make any comments on punctuation, simply because stylistically I’m not sure whether or not the absence or unconventional placement of punctuation was intentional—my guess is it is. There were a few things I would fix, like the “a” before assassins creed should be “an”. All in all, very creative. Keep up the unique writing!
You did an awesome job with this retelling! I really enjoyed how you used short and precise sentence structure for some parts. It made your action much more intense. You did an amazing job with your descriptions! You made it very easy to imagine what was happening. Which makes it very appealing to your audience. I really enjoyed this story and am eager to read what you write in the future!
ReplyDelete